February 7, 2010

Freaking Out!

Everything was so wrong for me. About my life, now I can feel I'm not child anymore. I must make some plan and chance to live in future life, think harder than before. So much pressure in me. Really, I'm not kidding. There is 2 things I always think everyday. About my Senior High School and about my University. Such a mess.

First, talk about my Senior High School. I've told you in the previous post, you can see it. I'm getting anxious because ready or not I must pass the National Exam and wait for the result. I must get high score, absolutely. Yesterday my uncle went to my school to take my Try Out score because my Mom can't make it. I already knew about my score and my Mom just know the average not the details. So when my Mom saw my score she just say "Wait for your Dad reaction" and I'm totally freaking out! I'm so scared but I'm trying to not scared and relax. That's all I can do to avoid.

I'm afraid I can't get 81 SHS. It's too hard. I'm crying, believe it or not. So I think Allah heard me. Last night, my Dad told me to join the Labschool test. Just in case if I can't get 81 SHS. My Dad not angry to me? Thanks and thank you very much! So I'm searching about Labschool test and asked to my friend or my chairmate exactly, Mira. She joined the test too. So I will go to Labschool tomorrow with her. But there is something problem with my Mom. I felt so guilty. My Mom and Dad have the different opinion. My Mom really want that I must get 81 SHS. Really there is kind of pressure. I'm stressed out. I'm crying. What should I do to make it better? It's getting worse. Wish me luck and keep pray for me.

Second, about my University. It really doesn't matter for now but I just want to make some plan where will I go to continue my study. I'm going to choose Oxford or Cambridge. I don't really know about that. But, I'm just prepare for my University.